Pun and wordplay jokes

You might say he was  (are you ready for this?):

"a super callous fragile mystic hexed by halitosis".
(ooooohhhhh!!!!!)
 

  And it came to pass after these things that God did test
Avraham. And
God said to him, "Avraham!"

        And Avraham replied "Hineni - here I am."

        And God said, "Take your computer, your old computer, your
286 and
install upon it an operating system, a new operating system, Windows
98 which I will show to you."

        And Avraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his
ass. He
loaded his computer, his old computer, his 286, on the ass. And he
took two of his young men with him and Yitzchak his son.

        And he rose up and went to the place where God had told him,
there to
find Windows 98.

        Then, on the third day, Avraham lifted his eyes and saw
Windows 98
from afar. And Avraham said to his young men, "Stay here with the
ass;
and I and the lad will go yonder and load Windows 98 on our 286, and
come again to you"

        And Avraham took his computer his old computer, his 286, and
laid it
on Yitzchak his son. And they went both of them together.

        And Yitzchak spoke to Avraham his father and said, "My
father." And
he replied,

        "Hineni - Here I am my son."

        And Yitzchak said, "Windows 98 requires far more memory than
a 286
has. How will it possibly run on your machine?"

        And Avraham looked at his son, his only son, whom he loved;
and he
shook his head slowly, and in perfect faith and with Unsweìrving
trust
and belief in the Almighty, he said, "Fear not, Yitzchak my son, ...
God will provide the RAM."

I wouldn't be caught dead in that movie with a ten-foot pole.

The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance.

Milwaukee is the golden egg that the rest of the state wants to milk.

She'll get it by hook or ladder.

The bankers' pockets are bulging with the sweat of the honest working
man.

That's a very hard blow to swallow.

These hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.

The slowdown is accelerating.

That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.

When we get to that bridge, we'll jump.

Don't sit there like a sore thumb -

Everyone whose ox has been gored is going to be squealing.

It's time to swallow the bullet.

It's time to grab the bull by the tail and look it in the eye.

The budget deficit is an albatross we carry on our back.

IThe sword of Damocles is hanging over Pandora's Box.

It's as easy as falling off a piece of cake.

I was so surprised you could have knocked me over with a fender.

Let dead dogs sleep.

Stop beating a dead horse to death.

Regret to inform you that the hand that rocked the cradle has kicked
the bucket.

>From now on, I'm watching everything you do with a fine-tuned comb.

That guy's out to butter his own nest.

I would not have gone in there over my dead body.

Many cities and towns have community gardening programs that need a
little more help to get off the ground.

He threw a wet towel on the meeting.

We've got to be careful about getting too many cooks into this soup,
or somebody's going to think there's dirty work behind the crossroads.

We both had crewcuts, which made our ears stick out Eke sore thumbs.

In our school, freshmen are on the lowest rungs of the totem pole.

He's between a rock and the deep blue sea.

Let's hope that Steve Carlton gets his curve ball straightened out.

Let us nip this political monkey in the bud before it sticks to us
like a leech.

He was a very astute politician with both ears glued to the ground.

I do hope that you don't think I've been making a mountain out of a
mole hole, but that's the whole kettle of fish in a nutshell.