Kids, just kidding...

2.  When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer
him. -Michael, age 14

3.  Never tell your mom her diet's not working. -Michael, age 14

4.  Stay away from prunes. -Randy, 9

5.  Never pee on an electric fence. -Robert, 9

6.  Don't squat with your spurs on. -Noronha, 13

7.  Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. -Emily, 10

8.  When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
-Taylia, 11

9.  Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your
school assignment. -Traci,14

10.  Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers.
-Mitchell,12

11.  Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. -Andrew,9

12.  Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. -Kyoyo,9

13.  You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.  -Armir, 9

14.  Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. -Kelli, 11

15.  If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.  -Naomi, 15

16.  Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.  -Lauren, 9

17.  Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.  -Joel,
10

18.  When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's
on the phone.  -Alyesha, 13

19.  Never try to baptize a cat.  -Eileen, 8

============================================================

Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself.  His mother noticed
the left was on the right foot.  She said, "Son, your shoes are on the
wrong feet."  He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't
kid me, Mom.  I KNOW they're my feet."

============================================================

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone
has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."  A little voice from
the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"

============================================================

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began
putting away the groceries.  The boy opened the box of animal crackers
and spread them all over the table.  "What are you doing?" his mother
asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy
explained.
"I'm looking for the seal."

============================================================

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son.  He read, "The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt."  His son asked, "What happened
to the flea?"

============================================================

A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer.  She was
reciting it all by herself without help from her mother.  She said, "And
lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail.  AMEN.

> Here's some fun ones about kids sayings....
> **********************************************************
>
> A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with
> fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them.
> Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible,
> and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from
> a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
> "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
> "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With
> astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered:
> "I think it's Adam's suit!"
>
> ****************************************************************
> The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he
> preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike
> cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in
> the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.
> After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third
> pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,
> "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
>
> ******************************************************************
> Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were
> sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
> Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out
> loud in church."   "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
> Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those
> two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
>
> *******************************************************************
> The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an
> encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She
> pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?"
> A little girl called out, "That's the flag of our country."
> "Very good," the teacher said. "And what is the name of
> our country?" 'Tis of thee," the girl said confidently.
>
> *********************************************************************
> After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old
> slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.
> As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious,
> her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head
> and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed
> with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her
> three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"
>
> ************************************************************************
>
> Two little boys were visiting their grandfather, and he took
> them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn't make up their
> minds about what they wanted to eat. Finally the grandfather
> grinned at the server and said, "Just bring them bread and water."
> One of the little boys looked up and quavered, "Can I
> have ketchup on it?"
>
> *************************************************************************
>
> A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any
> brothers and sisters. She replied, "No, I'm the lonely child."
>
> *************************************************************************
>
> A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood
> was like:  "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing
> made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.
> We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the
> woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she
> said,  "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
>
> *************************************************************************
>
> *
> My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do
> you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo
> while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
>
> *************************************************************************
>
> *
> A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word
> processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?"
> he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
>
> *************************************************************************
>
> *
> I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet,
> so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask
> what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct.
> But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door,
> saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of
> these yourself!"
>
> *************************************************************************
>
> ***
> A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was
> becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day
> she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother
> of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
>
> *************************************************************************
>
> ***
> A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They
> were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could
> tell her
> what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall
> not
> take the covers off the neighbor's wife.
>
> *************************************************************************
>
> ***
> This next one really happened in Corona, Ca with my son Austin's
> bestbuddy Reece!
>
> It was March 17, 1999 (St. Patrick's Day), and the supermarket was
> bustling as normal.  Mom busy loading groceries onto the conveyer belt
> with one year old in shopping cart and four year old son, Reece, nearby.
>
> An older, grandpa type pinches Reece and tells him he's not wearing
> green!
> Reece, a bit stunned, quickly returns the pinch with a kick to the shin
> of the elderly man and says, "Well, you're not wearing blue!".  By the
> way, I forgot to tell you that Reece loves to play cowboy, and that
> particular day he was wearing his leather, pointed-toe cowboy boots.
> OUCH!!!
>
>
>
>                         Submitted by: Sarah E Lane @ juno.com